🐿️ SQUIRREL CONSTABULARY – WANTED POSTER

CASE FILE: SC‑2026‑041‑BARKING‑AT‑NOTHING

STATUS: ACTIVE NUISANCE

WANTED FOR QUESTIONING

WHIPPET

(Greyhound — insists she is a whippet)

Aliases:
“Whippet,”
“Oi‑Stop‑That,”
“Tree‑Inspector,”
“The Confused One”

CHARGES INCLUDE:

  • Daily harassment of The Big Tree

  • Repeated barking at non‑existent squirrels

  • Attempted re‑apprehension of imaginary suspects

  • Disturbing the peace of the woodland community

  • Identity confusion (greyhound pretending to be a whippet)

DESCRIPTION:

  • Tan‑coloured

  • Long legs, longer delusions

  • Pink collar with tag reading WHIPPET

  • Frequently seen standing on hind legs, shouting into branches

  • Displays intense but misguided determination

  • Brain capacity: under review

LAST SEEN:

At the base of the Big Tree, performing her morning ritual of:

  • Skidding dramatically

  • Staring upward with conviction

  • Barking for five minutes straight

  • Ignoring all evidence that the squirrel moved on months ago

SQUIRREL COMMUNITY WARNING:

Approach with caution. Whippet is not dangerous, merely enthusiastically confused.

If spotted, do not engage. Simply wait for her to finish shouting at nothing.

REWARD:

One acorn. (We’re not made of money.)

ISSUED BY:

Sgt. Nutters Squirrel Constabulary Woodland Behavioural Monitoring Unit


***


### 🕵️‍♂️ NEED MORE SUSPENSE IN YOUR LIFE?

If you think the high-stakes tactical manoeuvring of a Beagle stealing a Sunday roast is thrilling, you should see what happens in my books. 

When I am not fighting a losing battle against the "Biscuit Bandit," I am a published author of gripping adult fiction and imaginative children's stories. If you want to escape into a completely different world (one where nobody is actively trying to eat your sandwich), visit The Directors Bookshelf right here on the blog to grab your next read!

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