SQUIRREL CONSTABULARY – FIELD REPORT

 

Case #SC‑2026‑041

Subject: Whippet (Greyhound, answers only to “Whippet”)

Reporting Officer: Sgt. Nutters

Division: Woodland Behavioural Monitoring Unit

Location: The Big Tree by the Footpath

Status: Ongoing Surveillance

Background

Following the original incident in which Whippet briefly apprehended a squirrel citizen and immediately dropped said citizen due to cognitive overload, the Squirrel Constabulary has continued monitoring her behaviour at the scene.

The squirrel involved delivered a severe verbal reprimand before ascending the tree and disappearing. No further contact has been made.

Current Observations (as of latest patrol)

Upon arrival at the Big Tree, Whippet:

  • Approached the tree at high speed, nearly skidding into the trunk.

  • Rose onto her hind legs, stretching upward as though attempting to arrest the tree itself.

  • Barked repeatedly into the branches, despite zero squirrel presence.

  • Displayed intense focus, tail activity described as “erratic but enthusiastic.”

  • Ignored all attempts at communication unless addressed as “Whippet,” despite being a greyhound.

Officer’s note: The canine appears convinced the squirrel is still present, possibly invisible, or perhaps living in the tree rent‑free.

Impact on Local Squirrel Community

Reports include:

  • Mild disruption of morning nut‑gathering routines.

  • General irritation at Whippet’s insistence on “tree interrogation.”

  • One anonymous squirrel describing Whippet as “a well‑meaning idiot.”

  • No physical danger, only noise pollution.

Behavioural Assessment

Whippet’s actions suggest:

  • Persistent fixation on the original incident.

  • Limited memory processing capacity.

  • High enthusiasm paired with low strategic thinking.

  • A belief that the squirrel may reappear if she barks hard enough.

The Constabulary concludes that Whippet is not dangerous, merely dramatically confused.

Recommendations

  • Continue monitoring for comedic value.

  • Advise local squirrels to avoid eye contact if Whippet ever succeeds in locating one again.

  • Consider issuing Whippet a “Cease and Desist (Barking at Nothing)” notice, though enforcement is unlikely.

Case Status: OPEN

Sgt. Nutters will file additional reports as Whippet continues her daily ritual of shouting at trees.


***


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If you think the high-stakes tactical manoeuvring of a Beagle stealing a Sunday roast is thrilling, you should see what happens in my books. 

When I am not fighting a losing battle against the "Biscuit Bandit," I am a published author of gripping adult fiction and imaginative children's stories. If you want to escape into a completely different world (one where nobody is actively trying to eat your sandwich), visit The Directors Bookshelf right here on the blog to grab your next read!

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