🗂️ CASE FILE: HCD 003 MDI

 🗂️THE £30 SILVERSIDE SUNDAY ROAST HEIST

Perpetrator: Miles “The Meat Missile” Davis Isaacs
Species: Beagle Pointer cross
Known Aliases:

• The Roast Reaper
• Sir Eats A Lot
• The Counter Surfing Shadow
• The Four Legged Hoover

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📝 BACKGROUND BRIEFING

It was a Sunday. A sacred day. A day of rest, gravy, and Yorkshire puddings.

You, Director Lisa, had lovingly prepared a £30 cut of Silverside beef — the kind of meat you only buy when you’re feeling flush, fancy, or emotionally fragile.

You cooked it with care. You seasoned it with pride. You removed it from the oven, placed it on the stovetop to cool, and left for work with the confidence of a woman who believed her kitchen was safe.

It was not.

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📞 THE CALL

Hours later, while you were at work, doing your civic duty, you received the call.

Martin, voice trembling, asked:
“Is it just potatoes, veg and gravy for tea?”

You, confused, replied that the meat was cooling on the stove.

His reply:
“It’s not there… but there is an empty foil tray on the kitchen floor.”

This is the moment every detective remembers — the moment the case turns from incident to crime scene.

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🕵️‍♂️ CRIME SCENE ANALYSIS

Upon Martin’s discovery:

• The stovetop was empty
• The foil tray was on the floor
• The foil tray was licked so clean it could have gone back on the shelf
• No crumbs
• No drips
• No evidence
• No remorse

This level of precision indicates a professional. Miles is not a petty thief. Miles is a specialist.

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🐶 SUSPECT PROFILE: MILES

Strengths:

• Heightened counter surfing instincts
• Lightning fast roast extraction
• Ability to inhale 1.5kg of beef without chewing
• Zero guilt
• Burps at the scene

Weaknesses:

• Leaves foil trays behind
• Occasionally self arrests in his cage

Motive:

• Beef
• Always beef
• Only beef

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📌 CASE STATUS: CLOSED

• Evidence: Consumed
• Witness: Martin (traumatised)
• Victim: £30 Silverside Beef
• Perpetrator: Miles (not traumatised in the slightest)

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### 🕵️‍♂️ NEED MORE SUSPENSE IN YOUR LIFE?

If you think the high-stakes tactical manoeuvring of a Beagle stealing a Sunday roast is thrilling, you should see what happens in my books. 

When I am not fighting a losing battle against the "Biscuit Bandit," I am a published author of gripping adult fiction and imaginative children's stories. If you want to escape into a completely different world (one where nobody is actively trying to eat your sandwich), visit The Directors Bookshelf right here on the blog to grab your next read!

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